Laughing is Good for the Soul
The following 1997 headlines can’t be verified, nonetheless, they’re very funny!
1) Include your children when baking cookies.
2) Teachers strike idles kids.
3) New study of obesity looks for larger group.
4) Chef throws his heart into helping feed the needy.
5. Kids make nutritious snacks.
Freshness Gag Test
Eggs: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
Meat: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
Nicole thinks these are very funny!
Canned Goods: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of… Carefully.
Wine: It should not taste like salad dressing.
Potatoes: Fresh potatoes don’t have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
General Rule of Thumb: Most food can’t be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.
One evening we received a phone call from our seven-year-old grandson, Ben. A little voice asked to speak to Granddad. Our grandson, Ben, had a new riddle and he wanted to see if he could stump Granddad. “What does cheese say, when it’s getting its picture taken?” People
The Top 10 Signs You’re a Lousy Cook:
10. Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.
9. Your kids know what “peas porridge in a pot nine days old” tastes like.
8. When your toddler goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.
7. Your husband’s favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.
6. You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.
5. Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.
4. Your kids were suspended from school for smuggling toxic waste in their lunch bags.
3. You refer to the smoke detector as the dinner bell.
2. No matter what you do to it, the gravy’s lumpy and purple.
… and the Number 1 Sign You’re a Lousy Cook:
1. You burned the house down making toast.
Top 10 Signs You’re Eating Genetically Modified Food:
10. Your green beans are attempting a split flanking maneuver on your clearly surprised mashed potatoes.
9. Whenever Gallagher appears on TV, your watermelon leaps up, grabs the remote, and shuts off the TV.
8. It tastes the same, but now the asparagus leaves your bathroom smelling April fresh.
7. You use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your kid’s room.
6. The label says that your buffalo chicken wings are made from REAL flying bison.
5. An apple a day… cures leukemia.
4. Family of seven, one turkey – yet everyone gets a drumstick.
3. Your Ginsu knives are suddenly afraid of the tomatoes. Okay, this doesn’t seem so far-fetched with the recent recall for tomatoes.
2. Choco-chini: Looks like zucshini, tastes like a Ding-Dong.
… and the #1 Sign You’re Eating Genetically Modified Food: A SWAT team is ordering your burrito to drop – YOU!
(Genetically Modified Foods, known as GMOs are present in our foods supply. You’re probably eating them without even knowing it.)
For a synopsis of Baby Bites: Transforming a Picky Eater into a Healthy Eater, Click Here.