What’s New in Burgers?

Is the price of meat getting too high for your family’s food budget? If you’re old enough, you’ll remember “101 Ways to Cook Hamburger.” Hamburger casseroles were how families economized in the 1950s.

Times have changed. It’s tofu burgers to economize. Perhaps bean burgers. Everything is coming up daisies (in a pile of manure) for an enterprising scientist from Japan. I’ll say this much, this new food makes GMOs and hormone/antibiotic-laden beef look appetizing.

Traditional Hamburger

When Life Gives You Lemons (or a movement)
Seems that Tokyo has an overabundance of sewage mud. So what’s the logical solution? Synthesize food from human waste matter (that’s poop)! Bizarre yes, but these scientists actually discovered a way to create edible steaks from human feces.

The new meat is being called the “Poop Burger.” Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama has found a way to create artificial meat from sewage containing human feces. (I want to know who was the taste-tester. Num, num, num…this needs just a dash more salt.)

The processed new meat pictured in the background kinda looks like cow patties, don’t you think?

The artificial meat is made of 63 percent protein extracted from the poop mud, 25 percent carbohydrates, 3 percent lipids and 9 percent minerals. The flavor is enhanced with soy protein. (Who knew you could enhance the flavor of poop?)

One Unfortunate Problem
I know you’re salivating, but researchers say there is a very large barrier even though they use artificial food colors to make the “meat” appear red. No kidding, can you guess what that might be? Perhaps people don’t like the idea of eating…their poop!

The scientists hope to eventually price the new “excrement meat” the same as actual beef. Presently, the excrement steaks are ten to twenty times the price they should be when the cost of research is factored in. Once the research is paid for, hey, the price of poop burgers could be competitive.

In my estimation, there is another potential meat product that is worse. In the Sci-Fi movie Soylent Green scientists come up with a food to feed the over-populated masses in 2022. I’ll just say that 101 Ways to Cook Hamburger is passe and having your neighbor for dinner is not.

Ultimate Diet
Eternally optimistic, Professor Ikeda hopes once the research is complete, people will be able to overlook the ugly detail (of eating FECES) in favor of perks like cost and the fact that the meat will have fewer calories. Perhaps Ikeda should consider renaming his new food to something more appetizing than Poop Burgers. Something with more mystery and a little more inviting. How about Soylent BROWN? Now that’s the ultimate diet: Soylent Brown Burgers. Hey, that just might work…people will eat less for sure!

If Ikeda can get people to eat his new Poop Burger, you can get your kids to eat their veggies. ,

For a synopsis of Baby Bites: Transforming a Picky Eater into a Healthy Eater, Click Here.

6 thoughts on “What’s New in Burgers?

  1. Pastor Mark says:

    Hello Brad, You wrote, “Personally, I think I’d rather eat Soylent Green… but, if I get in a situation where I can only survive if I eat human flesh or human excrement, I figure it’s probably time to check out.”

    I think I would rather trust God to provide for me what I need. He fed my ancestors in the wilderness with manna from heaven when there was nothing to eat. He multiplied fish and bread when multitudes were hungry and there was not enough food to go around. I have found that you never have to eat unclean things when you trust in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. As the good book says:
    “I have been young, and now I am old,
    but I have never seen a righteous person abandoned
    or his descendants begging for food.” Psalm 37:25 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

    Trust in God and you will never have to resort to cannibalism nor poop burgers for dinner!
    Peace –
    MM

  2. Brad says:

    Well, technically, I’m not sure it would be a violation of any kind of food laws, spiritual or secular. It may depend on what those who produced the excrement ate previously and how it is processed. Maybe there could be “kosher” producers, and “non-kosher” producers of consumable excrement? The “kosher” excrement would of course demand a higher premium. Personally, I think I’d rather eat Soylent Green… but, if I get in a situation where I can only survive if I eat human flesh or human excrement, I figure it’s probably time to check out.

  3. Eva says:

    Maybe this “green thing” and recycling has gone a little too far. Let’s leave the poop in the ground to fertilize our soils. This is gross! Thanks for passing this along, Pastor Mark!

    Hello from S. FL

  4. Jonathan says:

    chuckle… chuckle… It is not what goes into a man that defiles him, but what comes out of his mouth. Matthew 15:11 LOL…… Born again believer Jonathan

  5. Pastor Mark says:

    Great Article!

    I wonder if the following passage applies?

    “For My people are foolish,
    They know Me not;
    They are stupid children
    And have no understanding…” Jer. 4:22 NASB

    Pastor Mark

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